Awfulizing
Posted on Apr 29, 2009
I was at a gathering recently when the discussion turned to how common it is for new ideas, events, speeches and situations to be uniformly greeted with negative, fearful and skeptical responses. One individual quoted a friend who has coined a word to describe this habit; she calls it “awfulizing.” Awfulizing is not new; however, its frequency is. It occurs to me that the Scriptural response to awfulizing is often, “be not afraid.” Our culture would benefit from such a counterbalance.
As a boy, when my behavior fell short of the expectations of my parents, the correction was followed with, “no ifs, ands or buts.” I was reminded of that advice while reading an old essay by Robin Silverman. Ms. Silverman described a card (now yellowing at the frayed edges) in the corner of her desk blotter. On that card, Rachel’s mother had long ago written four sentences of praise and love that offered poignant reminders of just how proud she and Rachel’s father were of the life of their daughter. The card has travelled with her into adulthood.
Ms. Silverman wrote that her mother’s timeless message included no “buts.” She continues to use the card as a reminder to avoid inserting “buts” as she communicates with her own family. Rachel finds examples daily of just how easy it is to slip, “our whole family was together for Christmas, but Kyle skipped out early to play his new computer game.” The hockey team won, but Mike should have made that last goal.” “Amy’s the homecoming queen, but now she wants $200 to buy a new dress and shoes.” “But, but, but.”
The issue is not to abandon your parental expectations; however, if we are to avoid the habit of “awfulizing” we must find ways to positively express those expectations. Clearly, we are drawn toward communication filled with “ifs, ands or buts.” “IF I had better equipment I could be as good a player as…,” “it was too hot AND the bees were out AND it looked like rain AND …,” “yes, I did it, BUT so did Johnny.” As parents and teachers we are called to positively model effective communication and behavior. Imagine the legacy of supportive, nurturing thoughts traveling with children right into their adult years. No “awfulizing” and no “ifs, ands or buts” are ways to start the journey.
